On Twitter I sometimes post excerpts from my correspondences. Here is a history:
“I will give her your phone number, passport photo, and status of your third nipple. (Dormant.)”
“Maybe it was wishful thinking: Radishes you could eat like apples.”
“Never date a woman without a pair of boots in her closet.”
“Feel like I’ll shut down one day and only be able to relate to rocks and boll weevils.”
“Never date a woman with a mother.”
“Do you like to be kissed on the eyelids or do you prefer arm wrestling?”
“I don’t want to buy a dozen donuts and find out you’re allergic to donut meat.”
“She’s way out of my league. Like my league plus infinity.”
“You think agronomy will solve all of your kissing problems?”
“Just let me keep some of the nice moles, but the ugly ones can go. And the iffy ones.”
“I was so busy thinking about you I forgot to check my statcounter.”
“Move on, move on. Sunbathe topless on the porch, drink green tea, stir the compost. You’ll be okay.”
“Just don’t swallow the eye. And if you do, monitor your poop.”
“I kind of want to eat three tiny bananas.”
“You were so beautiful when I looked at you this morning.”
“Only approach girls with healthy appetites. The rest are trouble.”
“I would like a baby seal to come over and club me.”
via @aluebbert
