Email to Kevin

“How are you?

It hasn’t snowed here in a few days, but it’s still cold out. I left the house tonight for the first time in 2-3 days.

Wanted to send you a text message while I was out, from Target, but I didn’t have my phone. The text was going to go something like, 

“How are we even supposed to do this for that long?” 

I was either looking at some iPod speaker dock on clearance or wandering the mustard aisle when I had that desire. Can you even imagine another 50 years of stopping at Target and staring blankly at consumer electronics and/or condiments?

I also felt like weeping while looking at the shower curtains. Maybe John Boehner (Boner?) is getting to me, with his sobbing bouts. I think it had something to do with the fact that the last time I purchased a shower curtain I was in a relationship, but now for the first time since then I shower-curtain shop as a single man. Is that a valid reason to cry?

Oh yeah, the lawyer dumped me. Kind of. “I’m too busy to see anyone now. Bye,” she said. But then again she called me tonight.

I miss all kinds of things about Florida, I think. Having friends and colleagues and you and me and Kate and Dylan and—while the weather there right now probably isn’t particularly lovely—at least there was some going outside and not just scuttling between heated compartments. Maybe I need male friends again—but where to find? Should we attend one of those men’s retreats with the giant penis statues and the nude drum circles?”