http://www.monkfishjowls.com/

“Are all animals solipsists?”

Mon, 28 May 2012 18:32:52 -0500

“Are all animals solipsists?”

From old piles of writing: “I can’t reconcile my disbelief in the past with my desire...

Mon, 28 May 2012 18:27:29 -0500

From old piles of writing:

“I can’t reconcile my disbelief in the past with my desire to go back to it.”

“There is always a gnat here but I have no way to tell if it is always the same gnat or if it is every day a new gnat.”

This is what’s in my pantry. You can eat this stuff,...

Mon, 28 May 2012 18:08:00 -0500

This is what’s in my pantry. You can eat this stuff, right?

Nicholas Jaar--Essential Mix for the BBC

Mon, 28 May 2012 16:17:04 -0500

Nicholas Jaar--Essential Mix for the BBC :

If you ever wanted to hear Angelo Badalamenti, Jay-Z, Jonny Greenwood, Feist, *NSYNC, Charles Mingus, Bill Callahan, Beyoncé, Marvin Gaye, and others mixed together by some punk kid at Brown, this is the link for you! Pretty big love from me for this one.

Cleaning the house and found this paragraph describing one of my first girlfriend’s beliefs....

Mon, 28 May 2012 12:15:56 -0500

Cleaning the house and found this paragraph describing one of my first girlfriend’s beliefs. How odd:

“Her parents, both teachers, told her to not become a teacher. They encouraged her in the sciences instead and she became an overachiever. She thinks art is for underachievers and feels spite towards them. To her: Warhol: Lazy artist. The epitome of great artists: Van Gogh. He lived first for God and for man and art second. She feels suppressing artistic urges to serve God is good.”

::wonder why that one didn’t work out::

“Talent is a question of quantity. Talent does not write one page: it writes three hundred. No novel...

Sun, 27 May 2012 17:30:00 -0500

“Talent is a question of quantity. Talent does not write one page: it writes three hundred. No novel exists which an ordinary intelligence could not conceive; there is no sentence, no matter how lovely, that a beginner could not construct. What remains is to pick up the pen, to rule the paper, patiently to fill it up. The strong do not hesitate. They settle down, they sweat, they go on to the end. They exhaust the ink, they use up the paper. This is the only difference between men of talent and cowards who will never make a start. In literature, there are only oxen. The biggest ones are the geniuses—the ones who toll eighteen hours a day without tiring. Fame is a constant effort.”

from The Journal of Jules Renard

I entered the Hobart Buffalo Prize short story competition...

Fri, 25 May 2012 15:48:00 -0500

I entered the Hobart Buffalo Prize short story competition today—and so should you!

Link: Hobart Buffalo Prize

$16 entry fee. All entrants will receive a copy of Hobart 14 (or any past issue or SF/LD book of your choice. Please note your preference; if not specified, you will receive Hobart 14, upon its release)

Prize: $500 (for each winner; for a total of $3,000 in prizes)

There are six judges: SF/LD authors Mary Miller, Adam Novy, Karl Taro Greenfeld, Elizabeth Ellen, Jess Stoner, and Dylan Nice. Each judge will choose their own personal favorite and write an introduction to accompany the story in . (SIX chances to win! SIX different judges, with different tastes!!)

Each judge will be reading submissions as they come in, until they find their winner. (Kind of like The Voice or something, right? A little? (note: we haven’t actually seen The Voice and this might not be an appropriate comparison at all)). What this means is, the longer you wait to enter, the fewer judges/chances you may have to win.

Deadline: May 31, 2012 (or until all 6 judges have chosen a winner!)

Me: I like Beach House. Does that make me awful?

Wed, 23 May 2012 22:22:00 -0500

Me: I like Beach House. Does that make me awful?
Ana: Makes you alright
Me: I'm all right if you's alight.
Ana: I'm alight, you must be a light
Me: I'm Bud Lite so you might be a mite
Ana: I'm bright white so please rub the sunscreen right
Me: I'm a pixie sprite--be careful, I bite!
Ana: Come off it, alright? I'm flying high, like a kite.
Me: You already said alright, so now we have to fight.
Ana: Oh yeah, right. As if that's cause to not kiss goodnight.

I’m Nobody! Who are you? Are you—Nobody—too? Then there’s a pair of us?...

Wed, 23 May 2012 19:22:05 -0500

I’m Nobody! Who are you?
Are you—Nobody—too?
Then there’s a pair of us?
Don’t tell! they’d advertise—you know!

How dreary—to be—Somebody!
How public—like a frog—
To tell one’s name—the livelong June—
To an admiring Bog!

—Emily Dickinson

I’m snake-sitting for a friend of mine. She has the heads...

Wed, 23 May 2012 18:29:00 -0500

I’m snake-sitting for a friend of mine. She has the heads of dead things in her apartment.

"Gatsby's Hydroplane" by Chris Bachelder

Wed, 23 May 2012 11:08:00 -0500

Great story by Chris Bachelder that ran in Subtropics that I was happy to see on my dash this morning!

And don’t miss the part where I ask Chris Bachelder barely-literate questions and he tells me about Gatsby’s Hydroplane, The Great Gatsby, and why he’s funny in this interview.

hobartpulp:

love us some Bachelder!

ravimangla:

Will this adaptation include the mythical hydroplane scene? We shall see…

“Gatsby’s Hydroplane” by Chris Bachelder (from Subtropics)

Sea of Ice by Caspar David Friedrich He wrote: “The artist...

Tue, 22 May 2012 17:52:00 -0500

Sea of Ice by Caspar David Friedrich

He wrote: “The artist should paint not only what he sees before him, but also what he sees within him. If, however, he sees nothing within him, then he should also refrain from painting that which he sees before him. Otherwise, his pictures will be like those folding screens behind which one expects to find only the sick or the dead.”

Writing advice I gave someone on OK Cupid who wrote me saying she was a “terrible...

Tue, 22 May 2012 12:44:00 -0500

Writing advice I gave someone on OK Cupid who wrote me saying she was a “terrible writer” but wanted me to challenge her to write poems:

But you don’t read like a terrible writer (That well placed “Fools.”in your message!), but you may mean terrible in the sense of never doing it. I find the best thing, and if I’d challenge you right now, at noon (well, midnight, but who challenges at midnight?), I’d say to not worry about poems or proper writing, but to take what you do write more seriously, be it emails or journal entries or tweets &c. Isak Dinesen learned precision in writing tons of letters from Africa to relatives in Denmark. Sylvia Plath learned to write about her life as if it were a novel in her journals. The results were Out of Africa and The Bell Jar. I didn’t write much fiction last year, but I wrote reams of emails, tumblr posts, etc, etc, but I didn’t let myself get lazy or too careless with them.

Oh god—now I’ve challenged you to make every thing you write a chore. No no. One good sentence every day would be worthwhile. Here, I’ll give you this inspirational quote I read today to make up for it:

“The arts are not a way to make a living. They are a very human way of making life more bearable. Practicing an art, no matter how well or badly, is a way of making your soul grow, for heaven’s sake. Sing in the shower. Dance to the radio. Tell stories. Write a poem to a friend, even a lousy poem. Do it as well as you possibly can. You will get an enormous reward. You will have created something.” —Kurt Vonnegut

Endless happiness! najmetender: A creature I made today! It’s...

Mon, 21 May 2012 16:52:53 -0500

Endless happiness!

najmetender:

A creature I made today! It’s like a bonsai-deer-poodle (Taken with instagram)

I’m writing this story. I keep thinking it’s garbage and I have to, again and again,...

Sun, 20 May 2012 11:58:00 -0500

I’m writing this story. I keep thinking it’s garbage and I have to, again and again, talk myself off the ledge, telling myself about its virtues. I’m always surprised at how many other short story writers there are out there. Who are these people? Who are you? Or I, for that matter? Beats me. Well, I will continue adding to this problem of too many story writers and go back to keeping this new story from committing seppuku.

I feel kind of ugly today. Anyone wanna come over and teach me how to use makeup and put on a...

Sat, 19 May 2012 17:32:21 -0500

I feel kind of ugly today. Anyone wanna come over and teach me how to use makeup and put on a corset? No? Okay. I’ll just grow a beard then.

“And make no mistake about it, you are dumb. You’re a group of incredibly well-educated...

Sat, 19 May 2012 09:48:22 -0500

“And make no mistake about it, you are dumb. You’re a group of incredibly well-educated dumb people. I was there. We all were there. You’re barely functional. There are some screw-ups headed your way. I wish I could tell you that there was a trick to avoiding the screw-ups, but the screw-ups, they’re a-coming for ya. It’s a combination of life being unpredictable, and you being super dumb,” - Aaron Sorkin, at Syracuse’s commencement.

Aaaaaand this is my hair right now. I see the ocean.

Fri, 18 May 2012 22:26:45 -0500

Aaaaaand this is my hair right now. I see the ocean.

In an OKCupid profile I just read, a young woman said: “You should message me if you are as...

Fri, 18 May 2012 22:18:00 -0500

In an OKCupid profile I just read, a young woman said: “You should message me if you are as misanthropic as I sound.”

Except she didn’t sound very misanthropic at all in her profile!

So I sent her a list of suggestions:

You don’t sound very misanthropic at all! I’ll help you to sound more like you have a deep hate for the human race (unless of course you meant you’re looking for other non-misanthropes, in which case, ignore all of this advice and have a good day, ol’ chum):

I’m really good at: Eating babies. (Especially their toes. Delicious.)

The first things people usually notice about me: Are often the last things people usually notice about me.

Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food: Bah humbug. Leave me alone. Find some other sorry sap with whom to share your love for “The Smiths, One Direction, and banana toast.”

The six things I could never do without: Roach motels, mustard gas, laxatives, soggy dead tree leaves, the color dark gray, and my mom. Yeah. My mom. Eat it.

I spend a lot of time thinking about: Your grave.

On a typical Friday night I am: In my stiff-as-a-board four-post bed, alone, posting to my tumblr blog of emergency room photography in which all the posts are set to private. No you can’t have an invite to view it. No we can’t get something softer. And no I won’t trim my toenails so they don’t scratch you.

The most private thing I’m willing to admit: I kind of liked my second grade teacher. Before I punched her in the tonsils.

I’m looking for: (no response)

You should message me if: You have a good recipe for cat meat.

Well now, with these handy suggestions, you should be able to find the misanthrope of your dreams!

My OK Cupid profile says: I spend a lot of time thinking about: Would I know how to make a paper mâché manatee if I needed to make one?

Tue, 15 May 2012 13:06:00 -0500

My OK Cupid profile says: I spend a lot of time thinking about: Would I know how to make a paper mâché manatee if I needed to make one?
A 28-year old grad student wrote me, saying: I can't imagine that situation coming up, but if you conduct your life as if it might, it means you're having good adventures AND being prepared for such. That is excellent.
I replied to her: If one is house sitting and the paper mâché manatee of the house gets destroyed, one might need to replace it quickly before the owner returns. Or if one's pet manatee gets depressed and it's snowing outside, then one cannot take it for a walk and must turn to other manatee "entertainments". Or if the demon-god of one's fireplace requires a manatee sacrifice to stay lit but the demon-god is easily fooled by decoys, then paper mâché skills come in handy. There's really a lot of situations in which it would come up!