Monkfish Jowls

Currently revising. Putting in heart where there was no heart before.

Thu, 23 Feb 2012 18:48:58 -0600

Currently revising. Putting in heart where there was no heart before.

I can’t help but to feel haunted… I keep having these dreams of people from my...

Mon, 20 Feb 2012 20:42:54 -0600

I can’t help but to feel haunted… I keep having these dreams of people from my past… every night… I wish they would go away. I cannot pick up the phone and call any of them in my waking life.

I wore a baseball cap today. Then I found a monolith.

Sat, 18 Feb 2012 19:43:00 -0600

I wore a baseball cap today. Then I found a monolith.

Anamosa State Penitentiary in Anamosa, Iowa. John Wayne Gacy was...

Sat, 18 Feb 2012 13:27:00 -0600

Anamosa State Penitentiary in Anamosa, Iowa. John Wayne Gacy was here for 18 months in the late 60s. I was in the area with a friend yesterday so I thought I’d drop by and have a look.

You can hear the sounds of the inmates’ voices if you stand near the wall.

"I cry a lot because I miss people. They die and I can’t stop them. They leave me and I love them..."

Fri, 17 Feb 2012 23:05:52 -0600

“I cry a lot because I miss people. They die and I can’t stop them. They leave me and I love them more.”

- Maurice Sendak

Patrick Somerville just killed it on tumblr with flowcharts of good fiction and bad fiction.

Wed, 15 Feb 2012 17:30:44 -0600

Patrick Somerville just killed it on tumblr with flowcharts of good fiction and bad fiction.

I made a 52 minute “eclectic” playlist to cheer you...

Tue, 14 Feb 2012 14:09:00 -0600

I made a 52 minute “eclectic” playlist to cheer you up on a snowy day (there are birds tweeting on at least two tracks.) Some love songs and some not love songs to go with the day, the 14th of February. On Mog or YouTube (2 minutes shorter/missing a track).

waynewhite: HAPPY VALENTINES DAY 2012

Tue, 14 Feb 2012 12:21:00 -0600

waynewhite: HAPPY VALENTINES DAY 2012

It’s sad enough when I have dreams about old friends or lovers who no longer talk to me that I...

Sat, 11 Feb 2012 11:00:51 -0600

It’s sad enough when I have dreams about old friends or lovers who no longer talk to me that I cannot even imagine what it’s like to be old and having the same dreams about those who are dead.

Quick Fiction has come to an end, sadly, and the editors are...

Thu, 09 Feb 2012 15:54:00 -0600

Quick Fiction has come to an end, sadly, and the editors are currently closing out their remaining issues for $4.00 each with free shipping. I just got my stack of issues in the mail. (And I have a story in numbers 17 and 18!!)

Above is a story called FLOWER by DIANE WILLIAMS from Issue 10. It’s one of my favorite “short shorts” or “flash fictions” or “short pieces” or “whisper tales” or “zip zingers” or whatever they might be called.

Tweets from the past year: Opened my snake’s cage tonight and said to him, “Hello Pol...

Sat, 04 Feb 2012 13:02:00 -0600

Tweets from the past year:

Opened my snake’s cage tonight and said to him, “Hello Pol Pot.”

Was tempted to put ‘tumescence’ at the end of a list of communication methods.

“slugabed”

I have a big effin’ stack of crime novels in my house now. Also, licorice candy. I’m old.

There are men in this world who name The Monkees as their second favorite musical group. This seems like a damn shame.

“You’re absolutely beautiful. And smart. You should reproduce.”

I have been adding a little apple cider vinegar to my green tea lately. I’m more or less your grandma now.

Overheard last night: “I’m Asian so I’m lactose intolerant.”

Also overheard last night: “If Amelie were about an old fat woman it’d be a horror movie.”

“I’m very loaf to admit it.”

“Eat the rich before they eat you.”

There was an anti-hoop-rolling campaign in the 1860s. God I hate hoop rolling.

I hate semi-colons.

Vacuumen—ability to vacuum well. 1. Dirt had no chance due to our Merry Maid’s vacuumen. 2. That black hole is a paragon of vacuumen.

Contemplation is a luxury.

“And you know why I didn’t eat those cockles?! I wasn’t up to date on my shots, that’s why!”

I want someone to tell me what to do so I can rebel against it.

A man can’t even sit any more without thinking he’s going to die.

I’m going to try to not post too many political posts or...

Fri, 03 Feb 2012 13:00:06 -0600

I’m going to try to not post too many political posts or pictures and videos of Obama, but damn I watched this last night and had a few honest-to-goodness tears roll down my cheek. That’s my prez.

How I ended a cover letter for a job that I wrote today: “I have left out: life in Singapore,...

Thu, 02 Feb 2012 21:00:00 -0600

How I ended a cover letter for a job that I wrote today:

“I have left out: life in Singapore, the stories I’ve published, the upside-down shed currently in the backyard, the chocolate mousse I once prepared with chocolate made by French monks, that Carl Sagan’s Shadows of Forgotten Ancestors is one of my favorite books, my interest in brain science, my love for yoghurt, and also that for children.”

When I was at my most stressed out in Singapore, I would look up flights that would leave to the US...

Sat, 28 Jan 2012 14:51:28 -0600

When I was at my most stressed out in Singapore, I would look up flights that would leave to the US the very next day. I could do it, I told myself. I could leave without telling my boss or my landlord that I was leaving. And then I would feel better about my life because I was still, theoretically, in control.

I just remembered that I took a shower once in the Incheon Airport in Korea. That seems pretty weird...

Sat, 28 Jan 2012 01:27:21 -0600

I just remembered that I took a shower once in the Incheon Airport in Korea. That seems pretty weird to me right now.

These are the books currently on my desk. One self-help book,...

Thu, 26 Jan 2012 14:03:11 -0600

These are the books currently on my desk. One self-help book, one brand new pop-science book on neurology (check out the author’s Ted Talk on the concept of the brain’s connectome [the interlocking network of neurons formed by the connections that our brain creates as we go through life]. Great, jaw-dropping stuff.), and two novels (one Canadian and one Australian [which is better known for its movie adaptation by Nicolas Roeg]). I’m in the middle or beginning of all of them, so I can’t tell you how they are.

Also, the cover of the album I’ve been listening to while making this post. It’s I Hold a Wish For You by Aspidstrafly, a small group (duo?) from Singapore that I found on mog.com recently. Their name comes from a George Orwell novel I had never heard of before called Keep the Aspidistra Flying. Ethereal, spacey stuff. I listened to the stream so much on mog that I bought the dang thing. (Links: mog, iTunes, youtube)

Walt Whitman’s brain is in a jar in Philadelphia. I want to go visit it.

Mon, 23 Jan 2012 17:18:00 -0600

Walt Whitman’s brain is in a jar in Philadelphia. I want to go visit it.

Warning: Don’t look at the above image if you don’t...

Mon, 23 Jan 2012 16:46:46 -0600

Warning: Don’t look at the above image if you don’t want to see a nipple.

The new issue of Asymptote is out! I was on the sidelines for this issue because I was working overtime when it was being put together, but I did work with a writer on this interesting piece that compares Vikram Seth’s 1400-page English novel A Suitable Boy to its Hindi translation, and the possible influence Bollywood had on the translation. (Hint: all the sex and the gays are gone.)

The real highlight is the special feature on Taiwan which our founder/lead editor Yew Leong Lee spent four months assembling on the ground in that country. The issue’s cover and the illustrations throughout are from Legend Hou Chun-Ming, an artist one on the editorial termed the “Taiwanese Keith Haring.” Perhaps if Keith Haring were from hell he’d make things like what you can see in this slideshow of Chun-Ming’s art based on Chinese religious symbolism.

In addition to that, there’s plenty of fiction, nonfiction, poetry, drama… and it even fits in your pocket*!

*smartphone required

In 2010 Mark Baumer walked across the entire United States (from Georgia to California) which he...

Fri, 20 Jan 2012 11:00:05 -0600

In 2010 Mark Baumer walked across the entire United States (from Georgia to California) which he documented on his tumblr, The Baumer. This year he’s writing 50 novels. On Sunday he asked Tom Hanks for $50,000 dollars to cover costs for that project. Tom Hanks declined. So now he’s asking the rest of us for $50,000 on Kickstarter. He sent me this exclusive excerpt from his novel I Only Hang Out With International Couples, which is one of the fifty, to share with you.

The heat in Richard’s bedroom turned everything brown. He put on a beige raincoat and walked to a tanning salon.

Richard did not feel comfortable going inside the tanning salon so he pressed his face on the tanning salon and looked inside. His breath fogged up the window. Richard drew on the glass with his finger. The drawing began to wrinkle and bubble. A woman came out of the tanning salon and told Richard not to breathe on the windows. She had nice fingernails.

A bus stopped near the tanning salon. A man and a blond woman climbed off the bus. The man pulled a piece of gum out of his arm pit. The blond woman was already chewing gum. The two of them chewed each other’s gum for a few minutes until the man said, “I have to pee.” The blond woman said, “You should pee on that man in the beige raincoat.” The man asked Richard if he could pee on him. Richard shrugged and looked away while the man peed on his beige raincoat.

The man who peed on Richard ended up going to the movies with the blond woman. Richard followed them and watched their faces be tender to each other inside the movie theater. After the movie the man and the blonde woman went to an amusement park and played inside a room filled with the thought of children laughing until they made bad smells. Richard ate some cotton candy and watched the man and the blond woman make bad smells inside the thought of children’s laughter. When the man and the blond woman got home they ate hummus and sat on the couch. They watched the evening news, three episodes of an old sitcom, and a television court drama before they went in the bedroom. When they were both naked the man pointed at Richard who was standing outside their bedroom window, breathing on the glass. The man opened the bedroom window. Richard began to crawl inside, but the man peed on him so Richard stopped climbing in the window and went home.

A few weeks later Richard saw the blond woman at the fitness center. He waved at her. She was touching a machine that Richard didn’t know how to use. The blond woman stopped touching the machine Richard didn’t know how to use and walked over to where Richard had been laying on the ground doing his stomach movements. The blond woman said her name was Jenny and that she was married to a patent attorney who liked to pee on other men. Richard apologized for standing outside of her bedroom window while he husband was peeing. Jenny laughed and said, “My husband probably wouldn’t like it if he knew I was talking to you.” Richard tried to think of something funny to say, but couldn’t so he said, “I would like to eat your husband’s vegetables.”

When they got to Jenny’s house she said her husband would be home late and showed Richard a green pepper that her husband probably would have eaten. Richard asked if he could wash it off before eating it. Jenny pointed at the kitchen sink. Richard washed the green pepper and then went in the living room. He took off all his clothes and sat cross-legged in the middle of the carpet while he ate the green pepper. Some of the green pepper seeds fell on the floor. Richard asked Jenny if her husband would be mad when he found green pepper seeds in the living room. She ignored his question and asked why he was so pale. He didn’t say anything and put his clothes back on. Jenny asked Richard if he wanted to see her husband’s collection of mannequins. Richard said he didn’t because he was tired and wanted to go home.

—Mark Baumer

I just opened a piece of gum and put it in my mouth while thinking, “I’ve been chewing a...

Wed, 18 Jan 2012 12:10:00 -0600

I just opened a piece of gum and put it in my mouth while thinking, “I’ve been chewing a lot of gum lately.” Then I discovered when I started to chew that I was already, in fact, chewing another piece of gum from less than an hour ago.